Beer Drinkers Fault Finder's Guide

Beer Drinker's Fault-Finding Guide
Symptom Fault Solution
Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste ; Beer unusually pale and clear. Glass is empty. Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Feet cold and wet. Glass being held at incorrect angle. Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Feet warm and wet. Loss of self-control. Go and stand beside nearest dog - After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.
Bar blurred. You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass. Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Bar swaying. Air turbulence unusually high - maybe due to darts match in progress. Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
Bar moving. You are being carried out. Find out if you are being taken to another bar - if not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.
The opposite wall is covered with ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it. You have fallen over backwards. If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.
Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends. You have fallen over forwards. Same as for falling over backwards.
You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling. You have spent the night in the gutter. Check your watch to see if it is opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in.
Everything has gone dim. The pub is closing. PANIC !!!!!

Submitted By: Anonymous

This joke is rated: PG