A Standardized Guide to the Football

WHERE YOU ARE ON THE PLAYING FEILD (if your not on the feild, get on)
your 10 yard lineholding hands
your 20 yard line hugging
your 30 yard linekiss on the cheek
your 40 yard linekiss on the lips
MIDFEILDtoungue kissing(your in serious territory)
his/her 40 yard line shirt and bra off
his/her 30 yard lineall clothes off
his/her 20 yard lineORAL SEX (getting or giving)
1ST AND GOALput on the condom

Now that you know where you are on the field, here are some important definitions to help you explain how you got there.
making the first move (asking for a date)
kicking it deep
Asking out a virgin (you'll be starting out deep in your own end)
on-side kick
Asking out a slut (starting near midfeild, On side kicks are good if they work but are risky)
kick return
How far you get on the first date

Now that you've asked her out and went on the first date, the kickoff is over and the relationship begins.

An attempt to get more yards(get further with her, Here in Canada you get two downs and then you best kick ie. ask out a new girl cause you ain't getting further with this one. Americans are more patient, they get three downs before they should kick again.
Running the Ball
Taking it one yard at a time.
Passing Play
Skipping stages
Fumble Recovery
Regain erection
Homosexuality (YOUR GOING THE OTHER WAY!!)
Anal sex
Feild Goal
One of you orgasm, 3pts (Feild goal range begins around their 30, when the clothes are off!)
Mutual orgasm, 6pts
Extra Point
The smoke afterwards
Two Point Conversion
Smoke and a Phone number
High Scoring Game
Multiple Orgasms
Rain Delay
Parents/Roommate comes home
Pile Up
Missed Feild Goal
Wide right,Wide left or even worse, to short!
3RD down and inches
Call for a measurement (Move those Yardsticks)

The Offense
The most important position, the missionary
Quarterback Sneak
Unusual positions
Doggie Style
Running Back
A hand-off
Tight End
Self Explanatory
Wide Receiver
Opposite of Tight End
Nose Tackle
(Use Your Imagination)

DEFENCE (Becoming more and more important these days)

Defensive Line
Break in the defence
Condom breaks
The Safety
The Pill (just to be safe)
A Blitz
A "Quickie"

S & M
Handcuffs or Restraints
Premature Ejaculation

The Bowls
Rose Bowl
Romantic sex (MAKING LOVE)
Citrus Bowl
Healthy or Safe Sex
Peach Bowl
Juicy/Wet Sex
Fiesta Bowl
Sex in South America
Marriage (The Big Dance)

So now that you know the field and all the definitions you can see how to use them.
  1. There was an on-side kick to what I thought was a wide receiver but it turned out to be a tight end so there was a turnover.
  2. Their was a deep kickoff with no return. I ran the ball to mid-feild but then decided to go to the passing game. The passing play didn't work because of a fumble. On the next down a running back took it to their 10 yard line. With 1ST and goal, the action moved from the Hupper to the Quarterback who did a Quarter back sneak. The game turned out to be the highest scoring Fiesta Bowl ever!!!
  3. I was Roughed in the massive pileup.
  4. It was third down and inches on the 20 Yard line but on the feild goal attempt I was short.

Submitted By: Anonymous

This joke is rated: PG