Ways To Be Offensive At A Funeral
- Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make
love with you.
- Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until you find
your contact lens.
- Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
- Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
- Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the
- At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
- Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're
not in it.
- Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
- Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
- Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can
sneak him into the coffin.
- Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
- Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
- Leave some phony dog poop on top of the deceased.
- Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will
can be read before the funeral is over.
- Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor
who can't afford firewood.
- Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.
- Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.
- Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.
- Take up a collection to pay off the deceased' gambling debts.
- Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.
- Put Crazy Glue on the deceased's lips just before the widow's last kiss.
- Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.
- If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her nose.
- When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's
- Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream
"MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.
- At the cemetary take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.
- Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.
- Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.
- Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for
- Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face
while praising the deceased.
Submitted By: Anonymous
This joke is rated: PG