Since the latest trend for every minority group to have their own dialect based on ebonics, we would create a translation from drunk bar patron to English, hence, Pub-onics. Much like the Romance languages of western Europe, Pub-onics is extremely gender specific. The same phrase can have many different meanings depending on the gender of the speaker or the recipient. It is also very sensitive to plural vs. singular phrases. Since you could not be expected to pick up on the subtle nature of the jargon, we have provided clarification following the phrase.
No, really, I'm OK to drive.
I'm wasted and should have someone bring me home but I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with.
I'm not used to these darts.
I'm not used to throwing anything smaller than a pool cue when I am this bombed.
Lets go out to my car and get some cigarettes. (w/ opposite sex)
You would look great face down in my lap.
You get this one, next round is on me.
We won't be here long enough to get another round.
I'll get this one, next one is on you.
This place has dollar drafts and beers are $4.50 a pop at the next bar.
I haven't seen you around here for a long time.
You stuck up little bitch, too good for your old friends??
Hey, where is that friend of yours?
I have no interest whatsoever in talking to you other than you're a way to get your friend into a compromising position.
Lets get out of here.
I just dumped a half a pitcher of beer into that Harley guy's helmet.
Can I get a glass of white zinfindel. (female)
I'm easy.
Can I get a glass of white zinfindel. (male)
I'm gay.
Ever try a body shot? (male to female)
I am even willing to do a tequila shot if it means that I get to lick you.
Ever try a body shot? (female to male)
If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?
Look at that girl leaving with 5 guys.
Take a good look now because next time you see that face it will be on the back of a milk carton.
I don't feel well, lets go home. (female)
You are paying more attention to your friends than me.
I don't feel well, lets go home. (male)
I'm horny.
I've had like 10 beers already.
I've only had 3, but I need an excuse to behave this way.
Who's got the next round?
I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.
I'm getting my life back together.
Are you kidding? Would I be in a place like this, rocked off my ass, if I had my act together? I'm a mess; fear and avoid me like the plague.
Excuse Me. (male to male)
Get the f--- out of the way.
Excuse Me. (male to female)
I am going to grope you now.
Excuse Me. (female to male)
Don't even think about groping me, just get the f--- out of the way.
Excuse Me (female to female).
Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho...Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you, bitch, like the slut you are.
I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning.
I owe that guy who just walked in the door 100 bucks and have been avoiding him since football season.
What do you have on tap?
What's cheap?
Can I have a white Russian? (male)
I'm really gay.
Can I have a white Russian? (female)
I'm really easy.
You go ahead, I'll catch a cab
I already lined up a ride home with your ex-girlfriend.
That person looks really familiar.
Did I sleep with him/her?
Can I just get a glass of water? (female)
I'm annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.
Can I just get a glass of water? (male)
It's 9:00 am and I just stopped drinking about 90 minutes ago. Hell, I probably dropped half of my paycheck in here last night, it is the least you can do for me.
Do you have any Wild Turkey?
I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him in the morning.
I don't have my ID on me.
I'm 19.
I don't have my ID on me.
I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a .4 last time I was in here.
It's OK, I'll just go home with him. (either male or female)
There is a good chance that my life will end up as the Monday Night Shocker on NBC.

Submitted By: Jenn Sarajian
May 20, 1997 09:21

This joke is rated: PG